polaroid_memory

I broke my right wrist. Life goes on.
I am trying to do homework, but I have a complete inability to do any homework when it isn't due in 3 hours or less. I spent 5 hours sitting around today, doing nothing, with a computer on my lap waiting to do work. I have about a page done so I am happy. I will write the rest between 8 and 10 tuesday morning, unfortunately, but that is what I do.
I would like to lay in bed and read whenever I feel like being awake and then sleep again whenever I so please. I don't want to hear the banging of my radiator every morning so loud it sounds like someone is smashing a hammer on metal right next to my head.
I am not unhappy.

I moved into a new apartment in Portland. I still haven't moved some of the bedroom furniture, but I do have my bed (and a new sheet set) so that is enough. I can't wait to be done with school. I only have about a month left. Then I need to think about going to grad school, but I can tell that decision is kind of far away for me now. I will probably enter the real working world for a bit and then figure things out. I can't go to grad school without knowing what to study exactly, which is the first issue to work out. The gallery is going great, I love interning there although it can be a lot of bullshit sometimes. Hopefully it will get me some good experience and help me to figure things out a bit.
I wish that there were more hours in every day. It kills me how fast time passes without seeing some people.

I am not dying anymore. My face is still puffy, but a lot less than it was. And it doesn't hurt much anymore either. I still want to rip my tooth out, though. I just want it gone. Ugh. I am going to go into work for a few hours today and go to my class later. I will probably just come home and sleep after that. I have been sleeping a lot, but I think it is just the vicodin. Tomorrow I hope I will feel well enough to maybe hang out and do something.

Omg. My dying tooth and the infection around it is so bad that I don't know if I am going to be able to handle it much more. I am on vicodin and antibiotics, but it is doing nothing for the pain or swelling. I can't even believe how much I am freaking out right now. I want to go to the ER and just be knocked out. If the morning isn't better, I don't know what I will do. oh p.s. I can't fall asleep.

I have put on a lot of weight and I am being a total lame girl about it. Boo, fatty. Whatever. Who wants to buy me a new wardrobe two sizes up?
Anyways, I cut back drinking a little bit, still don't go to the gym enough, am really bad at taking my vitamins and diet pills, I really don't want to do any work for this next semester, but it is art history so it should be easy and I will at least like it more. I will have my degree after December and then I need to think about going to grad school. I started at Susan Maasch Fine Arts for my internship. Two days a week, unpaid for a year. Last night was my last day at Victoria's Secret. I need to find a new job, buy a car, because I have been without one for two months, and try to not be poor. I want to move to Portland, but I also don't have the money to or the effort. I think I am finally okay with being single? I don't really have a desire to date anyone. Or do anything with anyone. I want to keep my emotional distance, but I also want to cuddle the shit out of someone every now and then. That is the one urge I get, but I have no one I want to be physically close to right now so whatever.
I am happy, lazy, have been procrastinating and I want to go to silly's for a hummus wrap.

I do not feel well. I haven't since last night and I am not 100% sure why. Last night I had some hearburn and I had a migraine. I still have a migraine and it is behind my left eye, the same eye that keeps hurting and becoming light sensitive for no reason. It is a bummer. I have only been at work for 40 minutes.
I don't like the person I have been very recently. I don't know exactly what it is, but I feel like I have become... well, lame.
Today is Matt's birthday. It makes me sad that he has already found someone to fill the void in his life and it looks like he is having a better time with her than he ever did with me. No matter how much I feel like I am better than her, she has still won. She can make him happy and I couldn't, no matter how much I tried.
See? Look! I am being lame.
Why do I feel so uneasily ill for no reason?!?!

I need to take a shower and do some laundry and read a book. My life is easy, but I wish someone would come rescue me from everything. I am stuck at home all day because I have no car. I am kind of worried. I haven't been home all day by myself in at least a month probably. It has only happened like 4 times since I moved home in February. Do you know why? Because I get all weird when I am alone. I hate being alone. I think too much and I think things that are just silly.
I wish I had the money to live in Portland so that I could just walk where I wanted. I thought about riding my bike into Portland today... that isn't going to happen. I will die.

I don't have the money to fix my car, but obviously it is broken again. That sucks. I wish I could move to Portland. I wish all of my money didn't disappear and I had no credit card debt. I wish I wasn't so tired right now, but I am not bummed on life, no matter how much the beginning of this entry sounded like I am. Those are just the most relevant issues in my life currently.
Bubba's tonight. I have been wanting to cuddle a lot lately. I can't help it.

Kate Decosta: I need your help!
Cindy Decosta: okay
Cindy Decosta: I am here for you
Kate Decosta: what are five things I hate that everyone else seems to like?
Kate Decosta: so far I have U2 and being tanned.


facebook is serious work-related business

I do pretty well being happy with myself and my life and just having fun with my friends, but I think I need something extra in my life. My days are differentiated by what bar I am going to, which is fairly fine with me, but I feel like I should be doing something different. I don't really know what I am getting at, but today is friday which means it is Bubba's night and it is my favorite night that is centered around a specific bar event.

Kate Decosta: I made cute little packets for marty
Kate Decosta: you might get one
Cindy Decosta: i sure do hope so
Cindy Decosta: i love cute little packets
Kate Decosta: i read that as though you were a 1950s sitcom character
Kate Decosta: gee golly wizz, i sure do hope I get one of those dandy packets
Cindy Decosta: you are an odd one
Kate Decosta: haha
Kate Decosta: those smiley faces are so creepy
Kate Decosta: there is red in it's eyes!
Cindy Decosta: it is the tequilla
Cindy Decosta: the smileys party when noone is signed on to messenger
Cindy Decosta: i was invited once but i had other plans
Kate Decosta: hahaha. oh wow

I has been nice the past couple of days and I want to go out and do something nice.
Victoria's secret has cut my hours a lot and I might need to find a different job. I have my temp job making up for it right now, but I am pissed because it was supposed to be my extra cash to pay down some of my credit card debt.
I don't really know why they would think I am going to stick around for 5-10 hours a week at VS. Fuck that and they treat me like I don't know what is going on. I have been in retail management since I left the company, don't talk down to me like I don't even know what conversion is.

There is an inter campus messaging system at USM so that people in different departments can have questions answered and talk about issues that deal with different offices. I have been temping on the same campus my mom works on, for those of you who don't know.

This is what my mother and I do during the work day.

Cindy Decosta: you too could be a great macaroni salad maker- i will share all my secrets with you
Kate Decosta: hahaha. will you call me "young grasshoppa" while you teach me?
Cindy Decosta: of course i will and maybe someday the student can surpass the master
Kate Decosta: do I have to snatch a macaroni out of your hand?
Cindy Decosta: why yes that shall be the lesson that you will learn- the speed of the slippery macaroni

new life plan: I am going to act like I am the most gorgeous, charismatic person in every room I walk into. I will not second guess myself or compare myself to others. I will be unstoppable and not let stupid things get me down.

I am hungry. I went to see the "clash of the titans" tonight at Empire. It was Death Cab for Cutie vs. The Shins. Death Cab was definitely better.
Our electricity was out today for most of the day so I finished reading "When Engulfed in Flames" by David Sedaris. I am glad I could finally finish it.
I like not having classes to worry about right now. And I finally have a tiny amount of money, so at least I don't have to worry about not being able to buy gas or anything else. It sucks when just cutting out the "extras" still doesn't leave me with enough money for the basics. I should be able to make it until my next paycheck, but I also probably won't be able to pay off my credit cards for like a million years and there isn't even that much on them.

stolen from myspace because I am bored.

Have you kissed the same person more than 5 times in 09?
yes

What was the last thing you ate?
nutrisystem pasta meal

What was the last thing you laughed really hard about?
life

What's so special about what you're wearing?
it doesn't match. clothes I work to work yesterday combined with a shirt from my car

How does it make you feel looking at pics with your ex and someone else?
sad

Do you live close to the person you like?
I don't like too many people

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship?
yes

Do you listen to love songs when you're down?
I listen to bones brigade when I'm down

Who were you in a car with last?
brooke

Did you date anyone this past summer?
Matt

Who was the last person you talked on the phone with?
Mom

Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them, or talk to?
yes

Have you ever had feelings for someone and then realized you didn't?
yes

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
probably

How did you wake up this morning?
I just woke up, realized it was early, but not too early that I needed to go back to sleep.

Do you know if anyone likes you?
I don't think anyone really does

Going anywhere this summer?
no where that isn't driving distance

What are you planning on doing after this?
showering, eating, working out

Do you like your music loud?
absolutely

Would you rather have roommates or live alone?
roommates. I am too scared to be alone all the time

How can people tell if your in a bad mood?
I am quiet

Would you be able to tell someone you love them?
no

Are you perfect?
Closer than I use to be

Has someone put their arm around you in the past 5 days?
yes

Have you put your arms around someone in the past 5 days?
yes.

Are you listening to anything right now?
tv

Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?
yes

The last person you kissed needs you at 3 AM, would you go?
Probably not. I can't imagine why he would need me at 3 AM.

Ever been in trouble with the cops?
no

Ever given your ALL to someone who walked away?
yes

Do you have trust issues?
not really, but I have this lingering feeling that it will develop soon.

Has anybody ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
yes.

Is there someone you used to talk to every day that you don't talk to at all now?
yes. tiffanie

Honestly, what's on your mind?
my knee hurts. I am kind of lonely and hungry

Did you sleep in past noon today?
nope

What's the weather like outside?
nice

What were you wearing when you last kissed someone?
big purple t shirt and boyfriend cut 501s

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
none of the above. black cigarette pants

What holiday is closest to your birthday?
thanksgiving

Will you kiss anyone tonight?
probably not, but I am going out

Did you go outside for more than thirty minutes today?
yes

Do you have a bad temper?
I get irritable, that is it

Would you kiss the last person who texted you?
I have already and I might again. Eh.

Has anybody told you they loved you today?
yes. Danielle marquis on my facebook status. hahaha

Have you ever told a friend they looked good when they really looked bad?
It is all relational. I have told unattractive people that they look good, when they look good for how they normally look, but they still looked bad.

Your last kiss meant nothing to you, right?
pretty much.

How often do you look out your window?
a lot

Have you ever showered with someone?
no :(

Have you ever kissed someone who was high?
yes

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed?
no

Next time you will get butterflies?
If I get a crush on a boy I will.

When will you kiss someone next?
I don't know

Do you go to school?
Will be back in the fall

How are you right now?
fine

Is there one person you can tell anything too, and they won't tell?
yes

What do you have to say about the first boy on your top?
awesome

What are you excited for?
going out tonight

Do you tell someone you love them every single day?
no

Name one thing you love about winter?
pretty

Are you usually a happy person?
yes

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
I want a half sleeve

Have you ever kissed in the rain?
probably. I am sure it wasn't romantic though, nothing about me is romantic.

Are you any good with kids?
I'm okay

If you could buy any animal right now, what would you name it?
I would just want to keep my dog, Otto and bring him with me when I move out of my parent's again.

Do you own any band t-shirts?
yes. many.

What are you doing tomorrow?
working, bubba's

Who was the last person you talked to?
brooke on IM

What is the last thing someone bought you?
jana bought me dinner

Who was the last person you talked to before bed?
a friend whose house I stayed at

Have you made a mistake this past week?
probably

What were you doing at 4am this morning?
sleeping.

Do you trust the last girl you were talking to?
yes

Who is the last person you high-fived?
?

Do you have any bruises?
yes

Where did you go in a car last?
home

There is not enough time to do everything I want to do. More importantly, there is not enough money for it all either.

I guess I never meant that much and you make it plain as day
And time moves forward dragging me to my knees
As the hours tick by I can't help but think
This shit is tragic!

I am so fucking broke right now, it is out of control. I can't wait until tomorrow so I can have money again.
My parents are on a trip to DC on the motorcycles right now so it is just my dog and I hanging out. I am so hungry right now.
Louie and I went to DTL last night and I saw Alicia. Her grandfather just died yesterday so she hung out with us all night. We ate delicious food.

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: Kate
Birth Date: Nov 20
Current Location: couch
Hair Color: light brownish/reddish
Righty/Lefty: right

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: Moths and falling to my death
Your dream of the perfect date: Going out with a guy who is awesome
Goal you'd like to achieve: I would like to eat a pound of macaroni salad right now
Your best friend: Brooke. Duh.

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: Why the fuck is a telemarketer calling my cell phone while I am sleeping?
Your best physical feature: My ass
Your most missed memory: I am not sure.

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: I am not sure. I usually go to Taco Bell
Single or Group Dates: I've never even been on a group date and I don't think I want to.
Adidas or Nike: Adidas
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: I try not to
Cuss: Yeah, not obscenely
Take showers: Yes
Have a crush: Yes. And I partially don't want to get to know him because they always let me down.
Like(d) school: I love learning and I hate homework
Believe in yourself: Yeah.
Believe what goes around comes around: Sometimes. I think it is foolish when that is the one thing people fall back on constantly though. The world is not perfectly balanced and some people are assholes and never get back half of what they give out.
Believe everything happens for a reason: You can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better.
Think you're a health freak: I wish I was

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: Maybe just like 3 or 4 times a week....
Been on stage: No
Eaten sushi: Maybe
Been hurt: Yes! Like 80 times
Dyed your hair: No. I need to.

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: Yes
Kissed the same sex: Just a peck.
Got beaten up: No.

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you're hoping to be married by: 27 or 28 maybe?
Number of kids you're planning on having: I don't really feel like I can plan that

LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye color: Doesn't matter
Best hair color: Doesn't matter
Short or long hair: Short
Fat or fit: Doesn't matter
Looks or personality: Personality
Fun or serious: I need a mixture of both

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: Reading, typing and watching TV
1 HOUR AGO: Eating macaroni salad
1 WEEK AGO: Hanging out with Brooke, going to Bubba's later in the night
1 YEAR AGO: Living in Massachusetts with Matt, working at Kate Spade. I was pretty happy.

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I FEEL: hungry all the time!
I HATE: everything
I HIDE: my belly
I NEED: to work out more (so I don't have to hide my belly!)
I LOVE: everything I don't hate

What is a food that you'd hate to be allergic to?:
Anything spicy

What color was the last towel you used?:
Maroon

Would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you?
Taller, please.

When was the last time your nose bled?
When I was like 12 or 13 after I got nailed in the face with a soccer ball.

Swimming pool or hot tub?:
hot tub?

Can you swim well?
I use to swim very well, but I haven't at all in like 5 or 6 years

What body part do you wash first in the shower?:
I just stand under the water for like 5 minutes and then eventually move on to my hair

Who would you allow to read your thoughts for one day?
No one

What kind of first impression do you think you make?
I probably come off goofy

What are you excited about?
Bouncing Souls and Loved Ones tonight

Are you a happy person?
Yes

When was the last time you laughed really hard & why?
Probably last night with Brooke at some point


What are you wearing?
Pj pants and the same tank top I wore last night

What do you want?
Everything

Did you enjoy your weekend?
Yes, I went out a few times. It was enjoyable

Do you regret anything you've done recently?
No. I had a dream that I regretted something, but that didn't really happen.

Is there anybody you wish you could see?
Yeah

How many people of the opposite sex do you trust?
Three or Four maybe

Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years?
I hope so

What makes you mad most about girls?
There isn't one thing that makes me mad about most girls. However, I hate when they aren't trustworthy or are bitchy.

Have you ever been given roses?
Not just roses. I have been given a bouquet with roses in it though.

Do you even like getting flowers?
Yes. Matt use to get them for me for Christmas every year and then he stopped and it made me really sad.

Does it bother you when your friends bring up your past mistakes?
I don't have any huge mistakes that I am really sensitive about

Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
I could, but I look like crap

Would you move to another state to be with the person you loved?
I did.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Work, homework, and then probably going out somewhere

How's the weather today?
I don't know. I haven't been up long enough to make it outside yet

Where is the person you need most right now?
?

What color are your eyes?
Blue

Do you like poptarts?
Yes.

Where will you be 12 hours from now?
Either at Bubba's or getting out of the show at the Station

Is it easy for others to make you feel intimidated?
No

Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
No. I don't even know if I have clean clothes for work today. Fuck. I just realized that.

Are you on a desktop or laptop?
Laptop

Does anyone hate you for no reason?
That has happened before. Well, no good reason at least, or no reason I could find.

Can you make yourself cry?
If I think about certain things and I am in the right mood I could.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Yeah, equipped with winning lottery numbers, special knowledge I wish I had, you know, the usual.

What are your favorite colors?
Red, teal, kelly green. Not all together, obviously.

Where did you get the underwear you are wearing right now?
Delia's

Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an R?
Yes

Have you ever passed out?
Yes!

Are you easily confused?
I confuse myself sometimes when I think about the universe and the ends of it. There is no end to the universe, how could there be? I don't understand.

Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?
I hope so.

What's your favorite kind of ice cream?
Moose tracks.

Do you like coffee?
Yes

Do you like summer?
I love it.

What color nail polish is on your toes?
Pale pink. Much like Brooke has, as I just learned from stealing this survey from her.

Do you find members of the preferred sex confusing?
I don't know. There are some things I don't get

What are you listening to right now?
The TV show Las Vegas

How has the week been?
Stressful

Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can't?
Yes

What are your biggest turn offs?
Guys who are stupid, ones that aren't going any where in life, slutty guys.

Favorite drink?
Orange juice or milk

What's your favorite color gummy bear?
Red

Have you ever run into a dishwasher?
Seriously? Who the fuck is going to say yes to this?

Is there a baby in the room with you right now?
No.

Do you know how to dance?
Someone once told me they liked the way I danced.

Where do you sing the most, in the car, the shower or other?
Car

What is your favorite thing that is green?
I am not sure.

How many languages can you say "Hello" in?
3

What was your favorite childhood show?
Salute your shorts maybe

Are you close to your siblings?
Not really

Do you like your feet?
I hate all feet, but mine aren't bad I guess

Do you sleep well at night?
yeah