Natalie Imbruglia knew it all along
polaroid_memory
I'm torn. Part of me wants to separate and not deal with anything ever. I can deal with my own problems silently and patiently. I don't get too angry ever. I don't even really have strong emotions. No one is out to get me. The world isn't going to end. There is no one that I am in love with, no one that I hate. My life is average and I like being happy sometimes and sad sometimes. Nothing too extreme.
Part of me loves the times I have with others when things are good. I had an amazing night last night. I had fun. I love my friends, but I am surrounded by problems that aren't mine. Everyone has a history and a problem with someone else and something happened between two people and now we all have to worry. I can care and not be concerned. Because I care, but I also don't give a shit.
Christmas party tonight. I am excited. I really like giving people presents. I wish I had the money to buy people amazing gifts. I hate that people are taught to expect things in return. I hate when people feel like every favor has to be returned immediately and in a similar manner. I give gifts because I want to, not because I want them. I would have just spent all my money on myself in that case.

(no subject)
polaroid_memory
I broke my right wrist. Life goes on.
I am trying to do homework, but I have a complete inability to do any homework when it isn't due in 3 hours or less. I spent 5 hours sitting around today, doing nothing, with a computer on my lap waiting to do work. I have about a page done so I am happy. I will write the rest between 8 and 10 tuesday morning, unfortunately, but that is what I do.
I would like to lay in bed and read whenever I feel like being awake and then sleep again whenever I so please. I don't want to hear the banging of my radiator every morning so loud it sounds like someone is smashing a hammer on metal right next to my head.
I am not unhappy.

(no subject)
polaroid_memory
I moved into a new apartment in Portland. I still haven't moved some of the bedroom furniture, but I do have my bed (and a new sheet set) so that is enough. I can't wait to be done with school. I only have about a month left. Then I need to think about going to grad school, but I can tell that decision is kind of far away for me now. I will probably enter the real working world for a bit and then figure things out. I can't go to grad school without knowing what to study exactly, which is the first issue to work out. The gallery is going great, I love interning there although it can be a lot of bullshit sometimes. Hopefully it will get me some good experience and help me to figure things out a bit.
I wish that there were more hours in every day. It kills me how fast time passes without seeing some people.

(no subject)
polaroid_memory
I am not dying anymore. My face is still puffy, but a lot less than it was. And it doesn't hurt much anymore either. I still want to rip my tooth out, though. I just want it gone. Ugh. I am going to go into work for a few hours today and go to my class later. I will probably just come home and sleep after that. I have been sleeping a lot, but I think it is just the vicodin. Tomorrow I hope I will feel well enough to maybe hang out and do something.

(no subject)
polaroid_memory
Omg. My dying tooth and the infection around it is so bad that I don't know if I am going to be able to handle it much more. I am on vicodin and antibiotics, but it is doing nothing for the pain or swelling. I can't even believe how much I am freaking out right now. I want to go to the ER and just be knocked out. If the morning isn't better, I don't know what I will do. oh p.s. I can't fall asleep.

(no subject)
polaroid_memory
I have put on a lot of weight and I am being a total lame girl about it. Boo, fatty. Whatever. Who wants to buy me a new wardrobe two sizes up?
Anyways, I cut back drinking a little bit, still don't go to the gym enough, am really bad at taking my vitamins and diet pills, I really don't want to do any work for this next semester, but it is art history so it should be easy and I will at least like it more. I will have my degree after December and then I need to think about going to grad school. I started at Susan Maasch Fine Arts for my internship. Two days a week, unpaid for a year. Last night was my last day at Victoria's Secret. I need to find a new job, buy a car, because I have been without one for two months, and try to not be poor. I want to move to Portland, but I also don't have the money to or the effort. I think I am finally okay with being single? I don't really have a desire to date anyone. Or do anything with anyone. I want to keep my emotional distance, but I also want to cuddle the shit out of someone every now and then. That is the one urge I get, but I have no one I want to be physically close to right now so whatever.
I am happy, lazy, have been procrastinating and I want to go to silly's for a hummus wrap.

(no subject)
polaroid_memory
I do not feel well. I haven't since last night and I am not 100% sure why. Last night I had some hearburn and I had a migraine. I still have a migraine and it is behind my left eye, the same eye that keeps hurting and becoming light sensitive for no reason. It is a bummer. I have only been at work for 40 minutes.
I don't like the person I have been very recently. I don't know exactly what it is, but I feel like I have become... well, lame.
Today is Matt's birthday. It makes me sad that he has already found someone to fill the void in his life and it looks like he is having a better time with her than he ever did with me. No matter how much I feel like I am better than her, she has still won. She can make him happy and I couldn't, no matter how much I tried.
See? Look! I am being lame.
Why do I feel so uneasily ill for no reason?!?!

(no subject)
polaroid_memory
I need to take a shower and do some laundry and read a book. My life is easy, but I wish someone would come rescue me from everything. I am stuck at home all day because I have no car. I am kind of worried. I haven't been home all day by myself in at least a month probably. It has only happened like 4 times since I moved home in February. Do you know why? Because I get all weird when I am alone. I hate being alone. I think too much and I think things that are just silly.
I wish I had the money to live in Portland so that I could just walk where I wanted. I thought about riding my bike into Portland today... that isn't going to happen. I will die.

my car is broken again
polaroid_memory
I don't have the money to fix my car, but obviously it is broken again. That sucks. I wish I could move to Portland. I wish all of my money didn't disappear and I had no credit card debt. I wish I wasn't so tired right now, but I am not bummed on life, no matter how much the beginning of this entry sounded like I am. Those are just the most relevant issues in my life currently.
Bubba's tonight. I have been wanting to cuddle a lot lately. I can't help it.

(no subject)
polaroid_memory
Kate: I need your help!
Cindy: okay
Cindy: I am here for you
Kate: what are five things I hate that everyone else seems to like?
Kate: so far I have U2 and being tanned.


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